Pigs Can Too Fly!
by livelaughlisten2music
Summary: See what happens when Emmett decides that pigs need to fly. One-shot.
1. Flying Pigs

**AN: Takes place a few days after Bella broke her hand punching Jacob in ****Eclipse**

**No pigs were harmed in the making of this story **

**WARNING:**** Never try this at home. **

_**Emmett's POV**_

"Piggy!!! I love you Piggy! You will be my pet when I'm done!" I screamed into my pet pig's face. "EDWARD! WHERE ARE YOU?! I NEED HELP!!!"

"Emmett, you're standing next to me," Edward replied casually.

"Oh. Well I need help."

Edward sighed. "What do you need? And no, I won't try to get Rosalie to have sex with you again after what she did to me last time," he paused, remembering. I had broken Rose's red BMW M3's windshield because her door was locked and I wanted to go to see a movie that I would mock. My punishment was no sex for two weeks. After three days I got on Eddiekinz's nerves so bad that he asked Rosie to just have sex with me once to shut me up. My Rosie didn't listen to Edward, and then she kicked him in the…manly…spot until Carly came in because Edward couldn't do anything because he was in so much pain in his...manly...area.

"I wasn't gonna ask that, but why Eddiekinz?"

Eddiekinz let a growl rip through him. "Oh, scary," I mocked. Eddiekinz took a few deep breaths before continuing.

"Then why do you…oh." Edward heard my thoughts.

"Piggy, stop drinking from a coffee cup! I have to tell you something," I told Piggy as I lifted him and stared straight into his eyes, already boring into mine. "Piggy, you're gonna fly!"

"And why do you need help from me? Why can't someone else with no life, like Mike Newton, help you?" Eddiekinz asked. "And stop calling me Eddiekinz! And you know how Carlisle hates being called Carly," the stupid mind-reading vampire added.

Eddiek- no wait- Edward narrowed his eyes at me in response. I have to get on his good side if I want him to help me catch Piggy.

"Mike Newton has a life. It's obsessing over Bella," Edward started to say something. "What? It's true. I mean, look at him any day at lunch. It's obvious. Jessica Stanley cornered Bella yesterday in Gym class to demand her to stay away from him." Eddie- no scratch that- Edward looked furious. I bet he was screaming profanities in his head.

"WHERE ARE JESSICA STANLEY AND MIKE NEWTON?!" Edward screamed. I sure wouldn't want to be them for the next couple of years. "You're damn right about that. Emmett, I might help you later. Why don't you see if Jasper wants to help? I'm sure he'd like to get out of playing Barbie doll for a day.

"YES! THANK YOU!" Jasper shouted from outside. Yay! Now I have someone to help me! But I wanna go with Edward and rip Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton's heads off.

"Sure, Emmett. I want to make sure my threat is standing. Jasper, do you want to come?" Yay! Now I get to go with Eddie!

"Yes please," Jasper groaned walking in.

"Then get in the Volvo."

_**Three hours later**_

"That…was…HILARIOUS! …Did…you…see…their faces?" I spluttered out in between giggles that sounded like they were from a young school girl. But their looks were priceless.

"Yes, Emmett," Edward and Jasper said in unison, sounding bored. Then Edward continued alone. "We sound bored because we are. You've said it at least a thousand times since."

Edward instantly made me sad; no- wait. Was that Jasper? Ug, I'm so confused. I think it was Edward but I'm not sure. "But, I mean, all we said to each of them was to stay away from Bella unless she wants to talk to them, meaning that she asks them to talk to her, or else you would make their lives a living hell. Jealousy and anger portrayed Mike's face while Jessica's was lust. I bet her thoughts were along the lines of _Edward, why do you love _Bella_?! She's not even that cute, while I'm smokin' hot!_ I don't actually think she is; Rose is much more beautiful than her, but anyways. _Come on, come on, ask me out already! ...Damn, why is he so protective of _her_? I'm _so_ much prettier than her!_ Am I right or am I right?"

Jasper and Edward's faces were in shock and surprise. "Emmett, we didn't think that you even knew the words portrayed and lust, let alone what they mean. And you are right," Edward said eventually.

"Well, now it's time for _PIG FLYING!_" I exclaimed.

"Wow, major change in attitude," Jasper muttered.

"YAY! LET'S GO, GO, GO! Jasper, you get the duct tape and the fairy wings out of the attic. Edward, I need you to run and catch Piggy so he doesn't die, and I'm gonna throw him." Edward sighed, but nodded. "You better not let him die, Edwardo."

"God, Emmett, don't you have at least a little faith in me? I won't drop him. But you might not want to throw your pig as hard as you can. Right there it would kill it. And don't call me Edwardo. I'm not Spanish, even though I was dieing of the Spanish Influenza. Got it?" Like I want to put that through my mind. But, yes, I got it. Edward stiffly nodded, then walked outside.

Jasper was outside a matter of seconds after us. I took the duct tape and wings from him and put it on Piggy, "Edward, ready?"

"Yes, Emmett. I have more important things to do, so just throw the pig already."

"'Kay." I threw Piggy forward at about half my full strength. Edward raced off to catch him.

_**Ten minutes later**_

Edward still wasn't back. What was keeping him? Oh, no. Did Piggy…_die?_

"No, Emmett. He's right here," Edward said casually.

Piggy looked unharmed, but I'll have Carly check. I brought Piggy inside and called, "Carlisle? I need you to check Piggy."

"Emmett, you know that I have not gone to vet school. I am a doctor for humans, not animals," Carly called back. "But, if it would make you feel better, I will check him out."

"Thank you Carly!" I exclaimed as I ran into Carly's office. I set Piggy down on the examination table.

Exactly eight minutes later, Carlisle looked up at me. "Emmett, your pig is fine, as far as I can tell. But I will have to talk to Esme and Rosalie about your keeping of the pig."

"But Carly, I love him and I can tell that he loves me too. I'll take care of it, and feed it, and make sure it has water, and…anything else it needs," I protested.

"I'm still going to have to talk to them."

I stalked off to play with Piggy. Around four minutes later, Rose came over. "Emmett, you are not allowed to keep your pig."

"But why?" I whined.

"Because Esme wants it to be either outside or in our room. I won't let it in our room, and it will run away if you keep it outside. So you can't keep it. And, no, Edward will not keep it for you, and neither will Bella, so don't even ask. Get in your Jeep with the pig and don't let it ruin anything; we're going to bring that pig to a farm in Montana."

"Fine." I stalked off to my Jeep. I sat in the back so I could play with Piggy until I had to give him up. Rose was right behind me, except she sat in the driver's seat.

Approximately an hour later, we were at a farm in Montana. "I'm sorry, Piggy, but, bye, bye." I said sadly. "Maybe we will meet again." After that, I put Piggy in the pig pen, then made sure that he wouldn't be slaughtered for food. The farmer said no, so I went back into my Jeep, but sitting in the driver's seat this time. Rose sat in the passenger's seat, and we went back to the house.

_**Two days later**_

"There have been mysterious sightings of a pig flying around the Seattle, Washington area," the news reporter said in a bored voice. "We have it recorded in this video clip-" she stopped talking and the video clip showed Piggy flying through the air. "Here is Charlie Swan, chief of the Forks Police, who saw a pig flying while on his way home from work, at approximately 6:45 PM . His daughter, Isabella, a senior at Forks High School, also saw the pig as was looking out the window while making dinner. Isabella couldn't be here right now because she had plans with a friend."

"Well, I was driving home from work, and all of a sudden, a pig flew past my windshield. I didn't have any idea what it was, and I thought it might've been just me, so I pulled over. I looked towards the direction the pig was flying to, and I could still see it. I called the police station to report it, and several other people had seen it, so I decided that I wasn't crazy. I continued going back home, and found that my daughter, Bella, had seen it, too," Charlie said into the microphone.

"Too bad Bella didn't get to be on TV. She would've tripped or something and made the newscast more interesting." A growl erupted out of Edward. "What? Bella's funny. Especially when she broke her hand punching the werewolf in the face. Too bad Alice had to take her shopping today."


	2. AN: NAME CHANGE

**Sorry, this isn't a chapter for my multi-chapter stories (I'm putting the exact same note on all of my stories), but I needed to point out that my pen name has changed. It was cullenvampire01, now livelaughlisten2music.**

**~Em**


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